LORD- I want to return to where I was, but stronger now. Stronger in You. Where was that place? It was a place of prayer and utmost devotion, so it seems now. I used to always be with You. I want to go back. I want to go back and thus go forward in wisdom. Forgive me for the petty selfishness with which I live my life. Forgive me for seeking my own. Forgive me for not doing more for You. Doing more starts with heart work. Help my heart, God.
God- how can I do heart work while studying for this exam? How can I focus on You and be cheered by You? I think, and it has been my experience, that if I do what I can to draw near to You, then You will draw near to me in the times when I can't exactly focus on You, such as while studying. You will intersperse my activity with surprise revelations of Your glory, so that I see You in and through the task itself. Oh, what joy! I must admit, that slows me down when I don't want to slow down! But who can go on with little tasks or big when You arrive? You stop me in my tracks. But the vision and strength derived therein do set me straight upon working the harder and more cheerfully- for You are with me. On the other hand, if I go into the day avoiding You when I could be focused on You, I am less likely to be blessed with Your presence in the times when I can't easily focus on You.
Keep me from worthless things, thoughts, feelings, and actions! Following them is like pouring concrete over my soul, making it hard and insensitive to You. My heart then feels like a heavy cement block. Break up my heart Lord! Your Word is the jackhammer which will shatter my deadness. Prayer is the dump truck which halls it away. I look now forward to deconstruction, so that I can again be built up on Your most holy Gospel. Sinful negligence must no longer be the foundation upon which my workdays are built. The Word of Your apostles must be the foundation, with Christ Jesus being the chief cornerstone. Destroy this old house! And raise up one worthy of You. Amen.
"Draw near to God and He will draw near to you." (James 4:8a)